Signs You Struggle With Emotional Regulation (and What to Do About It)

Emotional regulation allows us to recognize, manage and respond to feelings in a healthy way. Certain experiences in life, especially traumatic ones, can disrupt this process and leave us susceptible to intense emotional reactions. If you’re struggling to handle your feelings, learning emotional regulation can be helpful. Heal Talk Therapy understands how difficult this struggle can be. Our therapists help you build effective coping mechanisms to self-soothe and regain control over your emotions.  

Why Emotional Regulation Matters

So, what exactly is emotional regulation? It refers to your ability to understand, manage, and respond to emotions in a healthy way. Emotional regulation plays an important role in maintaining mental health and stability. When emotions are balanced and well managed, you’re better equipped to face challenges, communicate effectively and nurture meaningful relationships.  

The inability to regulate emotions often stems from various factors. Early childhood trauma, such as neglect, unmet needs, or abuse, are common causes. Such experiences can shape how individuals process stress, social interactions, and even their own feelings. Other potential contributors include genetic predispositions or even brain injuries, which might impact the areas responsible for emotional control.  

While these challenges may seem daunting, it’s important to know that emotional regulation is a skill that can be learned. With the right tools, it’s possible to break free from old patterns and thrive emotionally.  

Key Signs You Struggle with Emotional Regulation

Understanding the signs of emotional dysregulation is the first step towards addressing it. Here are some common indicators:

1. Emotional Reactivity

This can look like exploding in anger over small issues (e.g., yelling, slamming doors) or crying often without a clear reason. You may feel emotions intensely and have difficulty calming down once triggered. Emotional reactivity often involves quick, overwhelming responses to situations that other people in the same situtation might find manageable. It may also include difficulty moving on from arguments or problems and are often accompanied by strong emotional responses that feel hard to control.

2. Avoidance Behaviors

If you find yourself withdrawing from situations or people that might cause intense emotions, or shutting down when overwhlemed, this might be a form of avoidance. People demonstrating emotionally avoidant behaviors might say they’re “fine” even when they are clearly upset in order to avoid discomfort or feeling vulnerable. While it may feel like a short-term solution, avoiding triggers often leads to isolation and missed opportunities for growth or connection. Avoidance can show up by numbing yourself with food, alcohol, drugs, or screens to distract from painful feelings.

3. Lingering Emotional Responses

You may also have a hard time moving on from a fight or ruminating on something by replaying the distressing events over and over. It can also include holding onto grudges and resentment after the situation has passed. Typically you will see a low-tolerance for distress because you have a hard time facing challenging situations. 

4. Struggling to Maintain Relationships

Stable relationships rely on clear communication and emotional understanding. Emotional dysregulation can lead to unpredictable behavior, misunderstandings or frequent disagreements, which can strain personal connections.

5. Impulsive Actions

Acting on intense emotions without thinking, can be a sign of poor emotional control.  This can include snapping during a heated argument, overspending, substance abuse, or engaging in risky behaviors. For example, a person may make an impulsive decision while upset which can include quitting a job or breaking up a relationship. It can also include self-harming such as cutting or hurting oneself in other ways. 

6. Unpredictable Mood Swings

Do you feel joyous one moment and irritable the next? Frequent mood swings are often a hallmark of emotional dysregulation, making it hard to maintain emotional balance in daily life. 

7. Passive or Aggressive Communication

This can present as lashing out verbally or physically when you’re upset. It can also present in the opposite way by being overly apologetic or being a people-pleaser to avoid conflict. Other examples include being sarcastic, giving someone a guilt trip, or even engaging in the silent treatment when you are upset with someone. 

Practical Steps to Manage Emotional Dysregulation

Healing is possible with patience, perseverance and the right coping strategies. Over time you can begin adding to your toolbox of coping skills. Here are some ways you can start improving emotional regulation:

1. Name the Emotion

You can say something like…”There’s sadness.” The reason this mindfulness strategy is so effective is because it creates distance between you and the emotion so you become less entangled with it. Ultimately, this separation will make the emotion less overwhelming.

From a neuroscience perspective, labeling emotions engages the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for logic, reasoning, and self-control), while helping reduce and regulate activity in the amygdala (the brain’s emotion center). So basically, labeling emotions activates the prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate and reduce overactivity in the amygdala. Simply shifting brain activity in this way can have a powerful effect on how you experience the emotion. Naming the emotion reduces its intensity which is why you may have heard the phrase: “Name it to tame it.”

2. Mindfulness Practices

Mindfulness techniques like deep breathing and meditation, can help you stay grounded in the present moment. These practices promote emotional awareness, making it easier to respond, rather than react, during tough times. For example, take 3–5 slow, deep breaths. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 6. This helps slow your nervous system and activates the parasympathetic nervous system which allows you to rest and recover. This in turn lowers your heart rate and stress hormones. You can also try the5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. In this technique you name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste. The reason this is effective is because you bring your attention to your senses and shift your attention away from the emotion itself. As mentioned above, this engages the prefrontal cortex which is the rational brain. Once this part of your brain is activated, it helps regulate and lower activity in the emotional brain (amygdala).

2. Therapeutic Support

At Heal Talk Therapy, we offer evidence-based approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). This method equips you with tools to handle intense emotions, build strong relationships and tolerate distress effectively. DBT can help you build four core skills. 

1. Mindfulness: Staying present and focused on the here and now.
2. Distress Tolerance: Navigating crises without impulsive or harmful behaviors.
3. Emotion Regulation: Learning to manage and stabilize intense feelings.
4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Improving communication and relationships.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is another excellent option for challenging negative thought patterns that fuel emotional volatility. A therapist can also help you address past trauma that may trigger emotional dysregulation.

3. Self-Care and Healthy Habits

Getting adequate sleep, staying active and eating a balanced diet are all essential for emotional stability. Exercise, in particular, helps release endorphins, which play a role in uplifting mood and reducing stress.

4. Journaling and Reflection

Writing down your feelings can clarify what you’re experiencing and help you spot patterns in your emotional responses. Reflecting on these patterns enables you to make intentional changes for better outcomes.

5. Ask Yourself… What do I Need Right Now?

It’s so important to check in with yourself and understand what you need exactly. For example, you should ask yourself…..What does my “anxiety” or “sadness” need right now? Do I need a boundary, a walk, a break, a hug, a distraction, or problem-solving?

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Struggling with emotional regulation can feel isolating, but with the right support, you can regain balance. At Heal Talk Therapy, we empower individuals to understand their emotions and build skills to face life’s challenges head-on. Contact us now for an appointment. You deserve a life filled with inner peace and emotional resilience.